Breathe

I’m uncertain what brought it up.. I know there is a reason, but I don’t remember now.. Perhaps it doesn’t matter? Perhaps it should..

Whatever the reason for it, a very vivid memory of a small but brilliant piece called “Breathe” popped into my head. A friend sent it to me a few months back and asked for my opinion; I loved it so much that I asked if I could save it, safe and sound, on my flashdrive. I can’t see through my screen to the other side, but I’m certain he was grinning like an idiot. He agreed wholeheartedly and, after a few days of discussing various reactions to it, we slowly allowed the topic to die…

The topic came up one more time about three months ago, but around three weeks or so after that, it seems our entire friendship fell apart…without my knowledge whatsoever.

I awoke one morning, sent him the usual “Good morning!” IM despite him still being asleep due to the three hour difference..no word from him that day. Same thing the next day, and the next…

After a week or so, half of which I didn’t bother attempting to contact him if he didn’t appear to be online..he didn’t appear to be online at all..I finally found myself slowly getting over it day by day. Some days, if I was busy enough, I didn’t even think to check if he’d gotten online…

That’s not to say I didn’t think about him..I did, a lot.. I wondered if he was okay, but I felt certain nothing bad had occurred. It wasn’t at all hard to realise that, without my knowledge or even a hint that something was wrong, we were over…

I wouldn’t say he was my best friend..No, but he was a very good friend of mine and I loved and cared deeply for him.. I still do, and that’ll never fade, although there’s no doubt in my mind that we are truly over..for whatever reason.

I have one theory, and only one, of what happened, and it’s the only thing that makes sense. If I’m correct, and one day the man involved reads this, though he’ll not know it’s me, I want him to know that I’ve no grudge against him. I’ve never had a problem with you concerning me, though in concern for our once-mutual friend, that’s a totally different story…

And to you.. You, who will not know this is about you until the very end.. You, who I loved so dearly and lost, I will always be here with arms wide open. I know you’ll not be back, though we may meet again in a different life. I do miss you, more than I should, just like always… That is a day-by-day thing, but when I do think of you..

Oh, when I do think of you, I wish you well. I’ve never wanted anything for you more than happiness.. So may you find that happiness, wherever it lies, and if you think of me from time to time… I hope you remember every good thing that was, I hope you smile, I hope you recall how much you meant to me and still mean to me to this day.

I’ll keep your secrets still, that promise is forever; I thank you for keeping mine.

Maybe it shouldn’t matter why “Breathe” came to mind after all.. I’ve searched everywhere, but it, among other things you gave me and I gave you, is gone.. Perhaps that shouldn’t matter too much either.. The memories remain, and I’ll hold you in my heart forever.

Thanks for everything, D, you impacted my life…

Just this once.. This is Miss Sue, signing off.

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